Wednesday 5 October 2016

My Story : Depression

In light of Mental Illness Awareness Week, I thought I'd take the opportunity to share my story.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has a cause.  Everyone is affected directly or indirectly by these stories and causes.  So here's mine.  Feel free to read if you'd like.

This week, I fly the proverbial green flag.


God healed me.  He healed my mind.  He healed my body.  He healed my soul.
[ and YES, He used psychiatrists, psychologists and even medication to do it =) ]


Click HERE to learn more about NAMI.

Uncertain as to where to begin, I guess I'll start with this... I never had any education on mental illnesses, EVER.  I didn't understand them.  I thought they were rare.  And I thought that depression meant someone was just really, really sad.  I was not well-informed.

Then, I got postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis after the birth of our first sweet little girl in January 2015... WHAT?!!!  You?  Lindsey?  Yes, me.  We all thought it was just the baby blues and lack of sleep, but there was something greater, something deeper.  In short, I'll give you a little bullet point summary of my journey.

     -started having suicidal thoughts
     -hospitalized for 6 weeks [first 4 days in the literal "loony bin"... I have to laugh now ;)]
     -saw a therapist after I got out of the hospital for 2 months
     -took anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and sleeping pills for 10 months
    
I'm sparing details on purpose.  You don't need to know everything right now.  I guess I just feel that I need to share to help eliminate stigmas and taboos.  I'm so thankful for my family and friends who have supported me through all this.  I'm now 100% and thoroughly enjoying being a mommy to the sweetest little girl in all the land.  [NOTE (Oct 22, 2016) : After the large response of notes, messages and emails I've received because of this blog post, I feel I need to clarify that I'm healed from the crisis situation I entered in January through March 2015.  However, I believe my brain has become quite fragile as a result of the trauma.  Thus, I still battle with depression and anxiety on a more daily basis, but it's at a level that's no longer harmful to my life - praise the Lord!  I will be writing more and more of my story as time goes on, but I just really felt I needed to add this for any future readers.] And, a beautiful redeeming part of the story... I found a website called Postpartum Progress.  I signed up to receive emails from other women who are going through postpartum mood disorders, and I can encourage them!


This site has truly been a gift from God.

If you've made it this far down, bravo!  Thanks for sticking with me.  To close, I know that one of God's names is "Jehovah Rapha" - The LORD heals (It's found in Exodus 15:26).  He is my healer, and I thank Him for using family, friends, doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and even medication to fix my broken brain.

I invite you to watch this 30-minute video below if you have a chance.  You can watch it now or save it for later.  It's a pastor sharing his experience with depression.  It really helped me understand what I went through, and I share it with you to also understand what I went through...along with what so many others on this planet are battling daily.

That's all.  I'm done.  Thank you for reading.  I pray you never have to experience depression or any other mental illness first hand.  I kept saying while in the hospital that I would never wish it on my worst enemy...  But if you do, there are so many resources.  Get in touch with me.  I'd love to help if I can.


We went through a lot, but I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else.  I'm so thankful for my amazing supportive and loving husband and our darling little princess.

...the Lord heals...
Love Linz

18 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing LINZ - Thanks for opening your heart to all of us & to talk about these bad times you went through - It is very courageous - We love you so much, you, T, & your sweet princess who "illumine" our lives - Thanks for being there - You are a treasure for all of us -

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    1. Thanks so much Cricri! We are so thankful for the love we have from you and Robi! Love Linz

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  2. You are so brave and so courageous, Lindsey <3 What a beautiful window you gave us to peek through. I have been seeing more and more testimonies like yours and I'm in awe of what can befall women. I am dreadfully ill-informed. I am not yet married but when I am and when I start a family, I'm encouraged to know that, God forbid I need to survive the same, I will have friends I can turn to. I love you, Linds.

    PS - the last photo of you guys is just beautiful...purple is a great color on you :-)

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    1. Oh Jess, your words are so poetic, beautiful and real. Thank you. I love you!

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  3. I've been waiting for this post and am so incredibly proud of you for sharing it!! Thank you for encouraging me and being a beautiful example through such dark times... Love you and all that He is doing through you to reach other sweet mamas!

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    1. Yep, you knew it was coming =). So thankful to have other mamas like you in my life! Love you Leah!

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing! You are such a testimony of how God can redeem any situation. Keep sharing your journey! I bookmarked the Postpartum depression site for future use. I know that many women suffer from this and don't get the support they need because we are so unaware of how serious it is! I love you and am so happy to see that sparkle in your eye again :)
    P.S. I also love that beautiful picture at the end of your post!

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    1. You were one of the few who came to visit me in the clinic Patty, and I'm so thankful for you! I love all that you wrote. Blessings.

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  5. The day has come! Your story is being shared! A long journey of walking moment by moment - just one day at a time. So grateful that God walks right there with you and us and faithfully provides such a variety of people and means to bring healing. In those dark places He shapes and chisels to craft jewels of astounding beauty. He truly has blessed our family with a precious gem in you. Your contagious and laughter spills out upon us all! We love you.

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    1. Thanks so much Nancy. You've been such a constant support and encouragement through the whole journey. Thanks for taking such great care of little Daphné when I couldn't be there! She loves her Mamie =).

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  6. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story! Brave and beautiful woman! I also suffered (suffer) from postpartum mood disorders and was completely blindsided. Thanks for being open and giving others that glimpse of hope! Jesus is the healer, and He walks beside me as I live with mental illness!

    -Karen Foxley

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    1. Amen Karen. I can understand blindsided. Yes, I still can get dips back into depression, but it is so true how our God walks with us. Even if I make my bed in hell, He is there.-Psalm 139:8 Bless you sweet and brave mama!!!

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  7. We love you Lindsey! The Lord is always faithful, this we know with our heads but it can be so hard to believe with all our heart. It blesses us to see the Lord's faithfulness in your family's live, and to see His joy shining through your precious family. Daphne couldn't be a more perfect little girl, what a gift! Much love!

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    1. Love you too Jimena. Your newest addition is absolutely stunning!

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  8. Merci Lindsey pour ton témoignage. Tout ce que tu a vécu dans ce chemin particulier n'a fait que donner plus de profondeur et de relief à ta beauté. Merci de partager... Carike

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    1. Merci Carole! Tes encouragements sont précieux. Tu es un trésor, toi aussi. Bisous maman! Je t'aime.

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